Friday, June 13, 2008


Have you ever had an MRI? It's like being stuffed into a sausage casing. After being immobilized and stuffed next comes the metal garbage can/spoon banging sounds. It sounds and feels like someone is actually hitting a garbage can with a spoon - over your head. Then to add insult to injury, if you're really lucky (like me) you get hooked up to an IV so they can inject you with a very cold contrast solution so that your lesions and tumors sparkle like fireworks on the fourth of July. This is how I spent my Monday - two long hours. I have a love hate relationship with the MRI. If it wasn't for the MRI they would have never found that brain tumor or the MS lesions but the process leaves me feeling utterly depleted and depressed. It's an extremely lonely experience when you're in there with nothing but your thoughts. The room is very cold, no matter how many blankets they pile on, it never seems to be enough. The unnatural sounds, the icy, white, sterile atmosphere, cold bright lights, arm throbbing from the needle, wedged and floating in the tube centered alone in the middle of the room, how can I feel anything but isolated.

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Me, my boss and my MS 

I have a really great relationship with my boss. It didn't start out that way. I chose not to disclose my illness during my interview - it's my right. After I was hired and I revealed my illness, she didn't respond appropriately. She came across as angry and expressed fears that I would not be able to do my job because of my fatigue. She was also ignorant of what MS was and responded in a knee-jerk reaction way. I went home after our first meeting about it in tears. At first I thought I was going to have to quit but things eventually worked out. I'm not one to hold grudges and my boss is very likable despite the rocky start.

Sadly, she is now leaving the company to pursue loftier ambitions. I'm happy for her but sad for me - sad and apprehensive. My boss knew just about everything about my complex medical condition. If I needed to take time off for five days of medical testing and doctor appointments she didn't bat an eye. I'll have re-train my new boss. I'll have to endure that extremely awkward moment when I say, "I have MS and I need special accommodations." My boss also knows about my endometriosis and the fact that I have to have surgery every few years and that my condition causes it's own unique set of challenges. If they hire a male to replace my boss it will be even more awkward for me. I dread the coming months.


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