Monday, May 16, 2005

Things I did during my spring break... 

- Valtrex, Vicoden, ointments, eye drops, tinctures, Darvocet, Advil, vanilla martinis, whiskey....

I read 'Infernal Affairs' and 'Little Green Men' until my eyesight failed. Then I conned a couple very dear friends into reading to me. After my vision returned I read 'Blood Sucking Fiends' and 'Practical Demonkeeping'. When my brain had turned to pure mush from Vicoden I turned to eye candy, perusing home decor and beading magazines (thanks Terrybear!) and when I could no longer focus on them I would languish in a floating haze just staring at the lilacs on the coffee table, Coco stationed on my lap, until I fell asleep. This went on for a full week.

Why? How could one girl be so lucky? Because I was enduring a living hell that I would not wish on anyone (well except my enemies and people who smoke around children) I had come down NOT with trigeminal neuralgia but with the shingles - ON MY FACE!!! The rash took a while to appear. My beautiful face, horribly disfigured, swollen eyes, leaky scabs, turning me into a stand in for Hillary Swank in Million Dollar Baby *after* she gets her face beat in. No exaggeration. My cornea was infected and I also had a general secondary infection that caused my skin to puff and turn an angry red. My eye closed up. If you've ever had puss ooze from one of your own eye's you will understand the horror. (and don't talk to me about "this one time when you were nine and you had pink eye". It's not the same)

At the docs office, adding insult to injury, they weighed me and then told me the number. I came in wearing wrinkled jeans and a sweatshirt with a stain on it. I think the nurse did it just to be spitefull. From my "good eye" I caught that twenty-something vapid twat smirking. After she left me alone to wait for the doctor I quietly cursed her and prayed that her next patient would puke on her shoes.

I don't have the patience to go into detail about what shingles is so google it you lazy bastards. But hey, at least the pain in my face wasn't MS related. To those of you who took such marvelous care of me (and you know who you are) thank you and I love you. I'm on the mend now and should see the last of the scabbing soon, although I still continue to have shock waves of pain through my face. (instert favorite explative here)

Friday, May 06, 2005

Isn't it ironic? 

There is irony here somewhere. Just a week after I started making a serious effort to stop backsliding and get into healthier habits like eating fresh fruits and veggies everyday, drinking more water and green tea, no more coffee, getting more exercise etc my health takes a turn for the worse. Last Monday I woke up to an ache around my right eye which quickly spread. By Wednesday I had unbearable pain throughout the entire right hemisphere of my face, skull and neck. With a little help from my new best friend Vicodin I was able to get some much needed sleep that night. I'm now on steroids. Doc says it's most likely trigeminal neuralgia (say that five time fast) which is a fancy way of saying the MS is attacking the fifth and ninth nerve exiting my skull causing all kinds of misguided pain signals to filter back and forth between my brain and my face. I'm only going to be on the 'roids for eight days, thank fucking god! I usually don't like to swear but this is more than a little annoying not to mention really ironic.

Ok, for upbeat news, the rest of me feels just dandy and despite the head trip I'm in a surprisingly good mood. I'm getting my three season porch into a semi-habitable state, my butt is perkier than ever, my hair is glossy and I got to help facilitate with the adoption of three quaker parrots from the avian shelter. Quaker parrots are notoriously difficult to get adopted. I also think it's the dazzling change in the weather. I got a whiff of the first lilacs in bloom this morning! Oh yeah, if anyone is looking for a good read I would highly recommend 'Fluke' by Christopher Moore my favorite new author. It'll set you free.

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