Tuesday, December 20, 2005

God bless pharmaceuticals every one 

In an effort to combat my increasing fatigue I'm trying a new drug. It's nothing like Ritalin which works like speed, so unhealthy, made me anorexic and very edgy. It's something they give to people with narcolepsy. It's supposed to help you stay awake. I started it on Saturday December 17th and so far I think it's working. Fatigue is an extremely complex thing, you aren't just sleepy or tired, you can have a physical fatigue that just wipes out your ability to walk or use your hands however you don't actually need to sleep. With me it's everything, something as simple as eating breakfast and taking a shower can wipe me out so completely that I need to lie down and rest and everyday I also need to sleep in the middle of the day otherwise I cannot function. It's not about mind over matter, my body just gives out, I can't type, think and my vision even starts to go out. I have to plan very carefully, every unit of energy that I have is precious. If I want to go shopping for a couple hours I need to plan on spending three to four hours afterwards resting and recovering.

Also compounding the problem is that I have a sleep disorder that causes me to wake up spontaneously throughout the night and if that weren't enough I just found out I have tumors growing in my abdomen. Tumors with a blood supply. Tumors that use up the body's nutrients and consequently my energy reserves. But not to worry, the tumors are benign. Just like everything else that's wrong with me, it's all benign. So comforting.

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