Monday, August 29, 2005

Fair Fatigue 

Last Saturday I went to the state fair. It was early in the day, uncrowded and a cool 76 degrees. I had gone to bed early(ish) the night before and had a big cup of coffee in the morning to ensure I had enough energy to last me. It was fun! Good friends, greasy food and lovely weather but despite all my prep work I still wound up frustratingly fatigued and drained just a couple hours into it. You would think that simply putting one foot in front of the other couldn't possibly produce such mind numbing, muscle draining fatigue. There was so much I wanted to do! I didn't want to leave but I was so, so tired that by noon it took everything I had to hold back my tears of frustration because I knew I had no choice in the matter. I had to go home and rest which I did for about four hours and still felt tired. I felt like I was being a drain on my friends because I had to stop and rest on a bench, I didn't want to hold them back and I felt guilty. I know it's not my fault but sometimes I think I just shouldn't even bother with these things anymore. That day was the first time that I've ever seriously considered using some sort of assisted mobility device. I'm too proud, too vain to use a "scooter" and I would need someone to push me if I used a wheelchair. It could have saved me a lot of energy and pain if I had just sucked it up and used one of those things but I would rather just stay home. Someone did suggest using a Segway instead, now that doesn't sound too embarrassing...hmmmm.

I agree with Katja on not using something and limiting yourself is letting the MS win. On the other hand it is quite a leap to use a mobility device, and the resulting kick to the pride. I had never thought of the Segway, but that could certainly add a cool element to things!
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