Thursday, April 28, 2005

Ritalin relapse 

I've decided to get back on the Ritalin wagon to help with fatigue. I was on it for a while before (don't remember how long I took it, I would have to consult my journal) but I stopped taking it because of the side affects. Now, some people might view this as a benefit but I started to loose weight, a lot of weight. The stuff made me loose my appetite. My motto was always "If you're not hungry, don't eat." So, I didn't eat, and didn't eat, and didn't eat. It took me quite a while to figure out what was going on but by then it was too late. I know this is hard for some people to believe but in starvation you get to a point where you almost *can't* eat. I had to force myself to eat and I could only consume small amounts before getting sick but this was when I had become totally emaciated. I was an involuntary anorexic although I was told that I looked great with my cheekbones accentuated the way they were. Oh but Ritalin gave me energy and it helped me stay awake.

I want to stop drinking coffee because it's so unhealthy and soda is loaded with calories and other nasty crap. Tea is nice but I would need a continuous IV drip to get a perk from it. I think Ritalin is my only choice now. I'm going to be very careful with it though. Make sure to eat everyday and cut the pills in half. Today was day one and I feel soooo much more alert than I have in ages.

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