Xanthia's MS Life

During my recent sleep study someone came into my room, hurriedly handed me a "Pee Cup" (that's a medical term) and said "We need a sample, we give it to everyone taking a daytime sleep study." I asked why but didn't get an explanation. Being the good patient that I am, I dutifully peed into the cup and left it for the attendant. Baffled yes, but I complied.

Healthpartners is running a very successful campaign right now singing the praises of on-line test results and guess what? I got my urine test result today!!! Wanna know what it said? I'm negative for drugs!!! Yup, that's right, I'm not on barbiturates or taking meth or shouting down Babylon (that's the rasta way of saying lighting up a spliff mon). What kind of evil fuckery is Healthpartners when they think they can give you a drug test without telling you it's a drug test? Never mind that I don't do drugs - of the uncontrolled substance nature that is - but this is some very disturbing trend.

Before the rise of Nazism, Germany as well as many other European countries, were playing around with the people's right to medical treatment choices in the name of eugenics and in the name of science. So called "health professionals" performed tests on unsuspecting civilians. Eugenics gave rise to Hitler, Nazis and the dream of a *scientifically* pure, fit race. Don't believe me? Do your homework people! Because racism is so morally policed in our society and around the globe, the evil of DRUGS now takes it's place as a form of vilification in order to subdue, scare and control the masses. Thank you Fox network, your the best!

So what am I driving at? Next to the media, health insurance companies are one of the single most powerful presences in American life. They are invading your privacy, gambling on your life expectancy (think of the young liver transplant recipient list girl who died before she was approved - that's murder people!) and they are over-riding your own doctors prescriptions and advice. I don't think it's all in the name of GOD MONEY, it's just a taste of the kind of control you're being tested for. They want to know, how much will you take? They hold the key to your health, dangling it out for you like some junky scum, only you won't be some junky scum. In ten or twenty years, you will be the person with heart disease, or lung cancer or any myriad of auto-immune diseases and your drugs won't be cheap.

Welcome to America. What will you be willing to do for your pain? How much invasion of privacy and freedom will you accept as "reasonable" to get what you need to survive?

I'm so tired,
God damn it I'm so tired,
Do you know how tired I am?
Do you know how this feels?
Malaised, hazy, dazed
Tired of fighting the system
Begging for a cure,
I am so tired,
I'll ask you again,
Do you know how tired I am?
Can you be bothered?
This is not a rehearsal, this is real,
Can you be bothered?
to stop caring about
how your going to fill your closet,
Can you stand it?
Is it rude of me?
I'm so tired,
Do you know how it feels?
I forgot myself, I'm so tired.
I'm sorry.

I have sleep problems. I don't mean like insomnia or that I have a hard time falling asleep either. I have crazy ass sleep problems that I've had for such a long time that they have become just a part of life to me. I didn't realize just how messed up my sleep problems were until I went to a sleep clinic, took a questionnaire and then got sent straight away to a sleep study. I stayed over night and into the next day for a sleep latency test which is when you take five daytime naps every two hours with thingies hooked up to your head so they can tell if you're faking it or not. I took the test last Wednesday to Thursday but I won't get to find out the results until July 31st. I am *dying* of curiosity! The test is recorded by video camera all night and day too - with audio I might add. I know that they witnessed one of my sitting-up-in-bed-and-mumbling-craziness episodes. Too bad they didn't see the full scale screaming in panic because there's a spider in the room and I have to turn the lights on episodes or the flinging myself backwards out of bed against a wall episode. Keep in mind - these are not voluntary behaviors, I don't wake up till it's over and only partially remember what I do. I did think to ask if I could get a copy on DVD thinking it would make great party entertainment. I don't mind having a laugh at my own expense...as long as it's among friends.